Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
