Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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