obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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