I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
