i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
