He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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