i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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