he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
