fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
