She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
