R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
