I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
