dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
