What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
