Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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