Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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