Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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