ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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