He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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