I haven't been this sober since birth.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
