If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
