I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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