booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
