My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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