Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
