i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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