so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
