so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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