Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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