so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
