My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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