part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
