Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
