My hand turned me down
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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