Is it because I queefed?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
