I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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