The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
