I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
