Only a mothe r could love this liver
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
