She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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