also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
