so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
