mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
