I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
