so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
