Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
