She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
