Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
