Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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