i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We left the knife in your bed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
