so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
